The secret is to pre-write all your talking

Is this Nathan Fielder?

piss on your feet (not in the sauna)

Neisseria gonorrhoeae doesn't even have muscles but it can pull 100,000x its own weight

it also helps avoid Neptune's kiss

but the result is loud, crass and distasteful so...

"Your Pet Cat Has a Smaller Brain Than Its Wild Ancestors"

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/cat-brains-have-sh...

more developed frontal cortexes

And smaller brains

Aren’t mutually exclusive

Yeah it probably shrank as it developed

cats hate stairs

I've had cats that love stairs. They'd play and slide down them on purpose.

Pretty sure cats love climbing things, and stairs are no different.

I lived in apartments for a long time then moved into a house. I thought my cat who had never seen stairs would take some adjusting. Nope, he look up them, wiggled his butt, then ran full tilt to the top. Ran full tilt down them too.

One of our cats has arthritis and before we got her treatment she didn’t like them, but she’s perfectly happy now.

so you probably never had cats that run up and down stairs 10 times at 6am.

Carpetedness may make a big difference in this case.

But then you did get one?

Yes. After buying a house with a yard, a pool, and a few trees.

it'd get caught by a bird