Interesting to see it framed this way. In July of 2020 (a high stress point in my life), following two weeks of job-related sleep deprivation (had to be up at 5 to get to work at 6:30 to troubleshoot an automation), noisy home environment making it impossible to sleep early, a night of high blood sugar, hung over, and following a two hour drive I had some kind of 'brain event' while pulling into my friend's driveway.
I call it a 'brain event' because at the time I thought I was going into DKA, after the event I was worried I'd had an aneurysm or something, the symptoms were similar to the negative parts of coming up on LSD, and I basically felt like I was tripping for about 3 days. I had to call out of work for that time and slept for about 12-14 hours the following few days.
My doctor told me that it was a panic attack, and that they can last three days. I've never had a panic attack before in my life, but I can't describe how much more fragile I feel now. Often when driving now the sensation of cresting a small hill during a turn will trigger something that will make me feel 'off', which leads to a deep fear. It doesn't feel like what I used to call anxiety, it's much closer to an external stimulus. Now I hate driving (for reference, I used to be a delivery driver, and I loved that job back in the day).
Anyway, I'm not sure what to do now. It seems like you're describing something similar to what I've experienced, though. I don't worry about 'what if it doesn't work the next time,' but I am distressed by anxiety that comes on completely disconnected from the reality of the moment or my thoughts at the time. Sometimes I think it just cracked the veneer of normalcy enough to make me understand on a deep level that driving is itself a terrifying thing to participate in, but I don't think that can possibly be true because I don't feel the same anxiety when riding a motorcycle, which should be much more terrifying.
I call it a 'brain event' because at the time I thought I was going into DKA, after the event I was worried I'd had an aneurysm or something, the symptoms were similar to the negative parts of coming up on LSD, and I basically felt like I was tripping for about 3 days. I had to call out of work for that time and slept for about 12-14 hours the following few days.
My doctor told me that it was a panic attack, and that they can last three days. I've never had a panic attack before in my life, but I can't describe how much more fragile I feel now. Often when driving now the sensation of cresting a small hill during a turn will trigger something that will make me feel 'off', which leads to a deep fear. It doesn't feel like what I used to call anxiety, it's much closer to an external stimulus. Now I hate driving (for reference, I used to be a delivery driver, and I loved that job back in the day).
Anyway, I'm not sure what to do now. It seems like you're describing something similar to what I've experienced, though. I don't worry about 'what if it doesn't work the next time,' but I am distressed by anxiety that comes on completely disconnected from the reality of the moment or my thoughts at the time. Sometimes I think it just cracked the veneer of normalcy enough to make me understand on a deep level that driving is itself a terrifying thing to participate in, but I don't think that can possibly be true because I don't feel the same anxiety when riding a motorcycle, which should be much more terrifying.