I can't speak for others, but for me smaller affectionate interactions are actually 'beyond' sex. If I'm in bed with a girl, or if it's clear that things are about to happen, my brain relaxes and I know pretty well what to do. But when it comes to smaller stuff, I don't know what's appropriate, to pick the right moment, to figure out the frequency, etc. So I prefer to just not think about it.

In fact, I'd go so far as saying that having sex is one of the few 'states' in which I feel that I can just let go and do the right things. It's one of the things I love about sex!