We are on a website filled to the brim of people using their abnormal intellects to excel beyond the vast majority of society and amass wealth. I'd go so far as to say that double digits of posters here are part of the 1%. Stop whining about a superficial perceived inferiority that has no real impact on your ability to survive and thrive, and use your galaxy brains to figure out how the mating game works. I'm relatively short and not that attractive but spent a bit of effort on understanding others are looking for in a man and it paid off. There are billions of people out there.
Could you please give more details so that frustrated youngsters like me can learn from your experience. What did you do to understand? And what are your conclusions?
First caveating with the statement: this is all generalization, and there are always exceptions. I'm speaking about stereotypical straight cis-gender relationships here.
* what you want and what women want out of a relationship are in many ways very different
* On a related note, what women find attractive is very different from what men find attractive.
* Do not project your ideas of what you are attracted to onto women's likes, especially when it comes to physical characteristics
* Confidence, presence, and humor will get you past 90% of the crowd
* Spend some effort on style and clothing. If you don't want to be stylish, then at least be unique.
* Recognize that women are also horny and want sex as much as men. The difference is the approach and the ritual around getting there. You'll need to understand what turns a women off during this "dance", e.g. being too explicit about it at the wrong time.
* Do not get so easily dejected by rejection. Build up a thick skin and laugh it off.
* Regularly inject yourself into conversations with women, and when you find a common interest, don't hesitate to take advantage of that and deepen the conversation and eventually schedule something with them.
* Understand what the signs are of someone who is attracted to you, e.g. playing with hair, teasing, other body language. Once these are noticable you can go in for a kiss or an invitation back home.
* Recognize that there are effectively infinite women out there, and each one is going to have different history that shaped their preferences, either an earlier boyfriend or crush or favored celebrity or whatever, and some percentage of them will have preferences that overlap with you and give you an advantage. Even if it's something you think is unattractive, not everyone agrees. So don't give up.
Thanks for sharing those reflections. Although I lack experience, I feel that all what you said is valuable and that reflecting/working on all those points would certainly improve building connections with women.
I am naturally a bit shy and reserved with women. I am also not very witty and humorous (except when drunk) and I have a historical record of nerdiness and introversion. Coupled with a short stature, it makes me lack in confidence (I got some rejections due to height in the past, but in no way I think height is a limiting factor. I believe being fit and confident can make wonders). I am in mid-twenties and I realised that I need to change this and I need to seriously work on it to live a normal life and find a partner.
Also recognize that "finding a partner" is overrated, and don't be in a rush. The consequences of a bad choice in partners can potentially last a lifetime, so be picky as well when it comes to commitments. It can take months or even years to really know someone. Be less picky when it comes to flings. Speaking of which, just because you had sex with someone doesn't mean you are under any obligation to maintain monogamy or a relationship with them. In fact, don't go in under the assumption that a relationship will happen. Let it develop naturally.
Men start off mostly worthless by default from a dating perspective, and gain attractiveness as they gain money and status. So, make money and gain prestige. Pretty-boys who peak in high school are the exception.
Women peak in physical attractiveness to men as soon as they mature. Emotional maturity plays a role in attractiveness, and that generally improves over time, so peak overall attractiveness for your average woman is probably in her 20s.
So, ignore women in your 20s and make lots of money, and then, when you're 30 and rich, marry a 20-year old.
This is one way, but I don't think it's the only way. I believe it is worth to explore other options and you get double benefits: the woman and any other attribute that helped you get the woman in the first place, being it confidence, humour, style, fitness, or any other thing. It's hard but I believe it's also good to give it a shot.
I don't disagree, money is just one dimension of the whole edifice. I guess I'd distinguish between depreciating and appreciating assets: youthful beauty is fleeting, so in terms of long-term payoff a man's better off cultivating the 'hot dad' look, so that their attractiveness peaks between 30-50. Confidence, humour, are good things to build up that stick around- I'd wrap that all up in 'your personality', which I agree is good to cultivate. I'd guess it's roughly equally important as your financial situation (and the two are intertwined/interdependent to some degree).
Lastly, fitness is a red queen's race, kind of like aging; time works against you, and the worse your body gets the harder it is to get fit (fitness protects against a lot of chronic problems that make exercise harder) so there's never a better time to get/stay fit than now.
TL:DR; I agree that everything you mentioned is inherently valuable and will also help you get women, so long as we don't forget money and competence!
