My point is the opposite of that- the quality of my dating experience depends entirely on me. Instead of blaming women, apps, etc.
The guys that are having a terrible time are claiming everyone is the problem but them… and not wanting to confront the painful truth that dating them isn’t going to be a good experience for the other person, because of their choices.
Women actually have a worse time on these apps then men, because despite lots of matches the guys all have serious issues they aren’t willing to admit or work on. If you work on yourself, it is really easy for men to stand out in a way that is much harder for women.
This attitude difference is actually the very crux of the issue. An attractive, mature adult is someone that takes responsibility when things aren’t going well, and does something about it instead of blaming and complaining. The guys complaining about how apps and dating are terrible and nobody recognizes how great they are, are not realizing that this complaining and entitled attitude itself is their entire problem.
Your entire comment can be summarized as “I’m right, you’re wrong, sticks tounge out”. I don’t know what I could possibly say when everything I’ve seen and read (including books about the subject) says you’re wrong but I’m sure none of that will convince you.
I guess I’ll just say that I only found an happy relationship after leaving dating apps and I would recommend anyone reading to do the same.
> Women actually have a worse time on these apps then men
This is completely irrelevant when discussing whether or not men have valid complaints or not. In reality dating apps are shitty for both men and women.
> My take is that 99% of the men on there are immature man children whose life is a mess.
This is a completely ridiculous take. You sound like an asshole saying this. Have you met 99% of men using dating apps?
> was able to date a different attractive women every night if I wanted to
Statistically you are in the 90th percentile of attractiveness for men or you are lying. Either way your experience is highly atypical.
> If you want a good partner you have to be one. An app can’t do it for you.
This is a truism that doesn’t address or refute the many stated problems with dating apps.
> the quality of my dating experience depends entirely on me.
This is also a truism and completely moronic. I guess non-white people and disabled people, etc. who have a statistically more difficult time finding a partner on dating apps should just stop being so unattractive!
> Women actually have a worse time on these apps then men
We already discussed but this is irrelevant as to whether the experience is good for men.
> because despite lots of matches the guys all have serious issues they aren’t willing to admit or work on
What do you define as “lots of matches”? Because statistically the lower 50th percentile of men get like one or two matches a week, who are often below their standards of attractiveness. They surely aren’t dating “attractive women every night”.
TL;DR go read Dataclysm by Christian Rudder as well as many other studies and criticisms of dating apps because you are delusional about how dating apps work
Not the parent, I still think my input might be interesting.
>> My take is that 99% of the men on there are immature man children whose life is a mess.
> This is a completely ridiculous take. You sound like an asshole saying this. Have you met 99% of men using dating apps?
I agree with this. Attraction doesn't run strongest on moral lines. In my interactions it ran strong on playfulness/teasing/vibe, optimism/hope/dreamy, emotional safety, adventure/leading and intellectual connection. A protective bad boy that knows a thing or two about sounding interesting but is a mess otherwise would be attractive for the same 4 reasons (and then some).
> Statistically you are in the 90th percentile of attractiveness for men or you are lying. Either way your experience is highly atypical.
There are more options. I'm definitely not in the 90th percentile of attractiveness and my experience is atypical as well. I'd like to encourage you to keep an open mind.
>> If you want a good partner you have to be one. An app can’t do it for you.
IMO this is more relationship advice than advice to attract someone. I know many men that are good partners, but they're not good at the attracting step. Once they attracted someone it goes swimmingly.
>> the quality of my dating experience depends entirely on me.
> This is also a truism and completely moronic. I guess non-white people and disabled people, etc. who have a statistically more difficult time finding a partner on dating apps should just stop being so unattractive!
A decade ago I saw a talk of Sean Stephenson (RIP). He had an amazing dating life. I figured that if he could do it then anyone could.
You still haven’t said anything contradicting what I said. I was providing info about how specifically to stop being so unattractive ;-)
But for clarity, I was talking about women’s experience from the perspective of my women friends, and what other men on dating apps are like to point out that there is actually no real competition for men on these apps. Most women are just not finding anyone that doesn’t obviously suck. The bar to beat, that most guys are totally failing at, is to seem more attractive than just being alone! That’s a painful truth for guys facing chronic rejection, and me just pointing it out will make them angry, but it’s the truth. I can barely believe the stories I hear about the shitty dates these women do end up going on… makes me feel sorry for them.
Again, you are just literally, materially wrong. I thought you were a troll at first but reading through your other comments on Tinder, women, and dating, I think you actually do believe that since something worked for you it should work for everyone. And if it doesn’t, that means they are a bad person or something. Truly wild.
More evidence of your complete and total lack of reading comprehension - I am dating someone who I did not meet through a dating app, and mentioned that in a comment above.
Here is my reply to @nocontextpls whose message had some legitimate points, but was downvoted:
> No one has things figured out and you should not need to fix "serious issues" in order to have meaningful, deep intimate relationships with others. In my experience, most women in these dating apps are as much of a trainwreck as most men are.
Nobody is entitled to a relationship, you need to be able to add value to someone elses life. For better or worse, what men and women want (on average) is different in relationships, and women tend to put more emphasis on emotional strength and stability when looking for partners.
Moreover, men seem more likely to either experience "Nice Guy syndrome" where they are totally dependent on Women's approval and become a pushover or needy co-dependent, or the polar opposite, where they become aggressive and dismissive of others needs and opinions. Most guys facing these issues don't even realize anything is wrong, but women can spot them from a mile away and steer clear. They assume they're being discriminated against for some unfair reason.
> People need to feel connected and hopeful. Telling them to take responsibility for their "issues" is extremely alienating.
> How about we help each other in fixing our "serious issues"?
That is what I am doing here. I am sharing some information that can guide people having a terrible dating experience towards solving these problems, so that they will be good partners, and won't be alone the rest of their lives. I have felt the pain of being rejected and unattractive... of seeing a partner of nearly two decades excited about someone else instead of me. I had to confront these painful truths about myself and do something about it, and I want to share what I learned with other men that might experience similar pain.
My sharing of a painful truth, e.g. constructive criticism is done out of empathy and love.
Here are some books I would recommend to any man having trouble finding dates, or building the relationships and life they want. These mostly focus on building a good life and mental state for yourself, where becoming attractive is a byproduct.
The guys that are having a terrible time are claiming everyone is the problem but them… and not wanting to confront the painful truth that dating them isn’t going to be a good experience for the other person, because of their choices.
Women actually have a worse time on these apps then men, because despite lots of matches the guys all have serious issues they aren’t willing to admit or work on. If you work on yourself, it is really easy for men to stand out in a way that is much harder for women.
This attitude difference is actually the very crux of the issue. An attractive, mature adult is someone that takes responsibility when things aren’t going well, and does something about it instead of blaming and complaining. The guys complaining about how apps and dating are terrible and nobody recognizes how great they are, are not realizing that this complaining and entitled attitude itself is their entire problem.